Claude C. Kenni (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
tothelight) wrote2010-02-15 05:55 pm
tothelight) wrote2010-02-15 05:55 pm
Entry tags:
Game 73 postgame notes
lalala ramblings etc:
Crrrrazy like a...wolf
- Fiiiiirst game ever in which Claude was truly put into a hidden antagonist/backstabber/must take out others role, I WAS SUPER EXCITED /o/
- OOCly given criteria of "wolf mindset with an urge to win/kill/sudden craving for flesh (esp. human flesh + hearts), wanting to MAUL THINGS A LOT, but personalities and ability to think rationally (to the extent of not giving oneself away in public with MMM MEAT CRAVING :|a) still intact." Considering how much of this was basically antithetical to Claude's normal personality, and when I asked for clarification the change was not meant to be to Zombie Homecoming levels of mindchange (i.e. complete resistance wipe), I had him get an infection so severe (not knowing how the other wolves were playing like at the time) that he'd go nuts if he tried to hold back the wolf. Which he did. Oh well.
- Enough of himself managed to assert itself to warp the wolf's objectives from "go after teams" to "go after wolves", since that would technically still meet all its demands (he would win/survive, satisfy the bloodlust, get to chow and save people from getting mauled/stop the teams from having to maul sheep-- nnnnevermind that it'd mean he'd still be killing entire teams with his own hands and biting chunks out of them :|a which he would've still been punishing himself for after the game was over, even if no one (e.g. DERA) called him on the hypocrisy of it before that.)
- Wolf survival instinct (not to mention the example of Orion) meant doing anything that would be considered outright forfeiting was out of the question, so he couldn't even deliberately go after Allen to get stabbed :|a So when Allen confronted him with the ultimate question of TELL ME IF YOU'RE A SHEEP OR DON'T FIGHT SO WE CAN END THIS GAME FASTER, instead of freezing up (Claude option), walking into the sword (Claude option), admitting everything and getting Allen's help (Claude option), outright lying for the rest of the game (wolf option), or lying until he could kill Allen when his back was turned (wolf option :)) ......none of those were options both sides would compromise on, so instead of a protracted internal battle FUCK THIS NOISE let's fight him to the death :|a At least no matter the outcome one more team would be out of the game and sorting out the details could come after the fight. And there were equal odds of surviving or dying. SO MUCH EASIER. And Claude, at least, trusted deep down that Exorcist Allen Walker would be strong enough to be a match for the wolf.
- Granted, lying could've helped Claude-wolf continue the compromise agenda of taking out the other wolves, but that would mean lying to Allen and betraying his trust and hahah he'd never forgive Claude everrrrr. Veto'd by humanside. Confessing and getting Allen's help would've meant dying later rather than sooner, and still 'losing'. Veto'd by wolfside.
- If Allen hadn't killed Claude it's likely he would've tried to kill Shiki instead of Masamune and blame it on the fifth (unknown at the time) wolf team. ...though he might've killed Masamune anyway to keep his cover going, hahahah.
postgame and general tl;dr
- Orion turning out to be the fifth team and managing to beat their wolfmind to the end does wonders for his own sense of self-respect :,) Since it just seemed to reconfirm that he really is a weak-hearted guy, neither strong enough to fight the Judges or play these Games the Best Way Possible (even with multiple interpretations of the Best Way), always ending up being completely useless as a result. Dera was right~
- Still, if given a choice as to which member of Cepheus would play the next Wolf Game solo, he would step up to the plate again. If it meant sparing Red and Syaoran from having to deal with the whole weight of kind of mindfuck that comes both during and after the Game (and not unleashing Dusk or Dexter's ruthlessness on the other teams.) But honestly? No matter how terrible he feels for thinking this way, he would be ultimately glad to have either one or both of them beside him sharing and hurting under the weight of choices and consequences. It's what they would all want. "All things equal" was his promise to Red long ago, and though he's broken that promise with his frequent lapses into wanting to shoulder everything himself, his mindset's shifting further and further down the line from 'I have to do this alone to shield others' to 'I need others, because on my own I'm not/never strong enough'. Claude can fight his hardest for others when he's fighting with others, and to him his friends are the same way.
- This isn't to say he'll let just about anyone take on trauma-filled situations with him-- just those who he knows he can trust for mutual support, who'll help do what it takes, hurt like hell inside, but in the end won't break because they'll be there to help each other carry on. These are people like Red, Allen, Jace and Jim; Syaoran is increasingly working his way into this category, as is Kururu. The more ruthless (re:sociopath) types like Kira and Dusk don't figure fully into this category because (to him) they won't share the same objectives; for them, people matter less than the task. Others like Dera he's divided about, because it's obvious their ruthlessness is a hypocritical kind that makes exceptions for certain people. (Still, it makes them better in his eyes than the pure sociopaths, because they're more human that way.)
- He doesn't hold himself on any higher ground than the other three wolf teams even if he hadn't actually killed anyone. He would have eventually, so the only difference between him and them was that he was lucky. He's pretty sure their human sides hate what the wolves made them do as much as his does.
- in other new discoveries, lolo is this kind of what it's like for Ticky and Allen :|a
MAYBE MORE NOTES WHEN I THINK ABOUT THEM, comments/questions to help more ramblings etc welcome
Also some timekeeping notes:
101: drugged Red, subsequent forgeventure, came back morning 102
103 morning, before genderswap game: hiatus'd
105 morning: returned for drinking game, drunk tiems with bros and Kururu, etc
106 morning: wolf game :)
Crrrrazy like a...wolf
- Fiiiiirst game ever in which Claude was truly put into a hidden antagonist/backstabber/must take out others role, I WAS SUPER EXCITED /o/
- OOCly given criteria of "wolf mindset with an urge to win/kill/sudden craving for flesh (esp. human flesh + hearts), wanting to MAUL THINGS A LOT, but personalities and ability to think rationally (to the extent of not giving oneself away in public with MMM MEAT CRAVING :|a) still intact." Considering how much of this was basically antithetical to Claude's normal personality, and when I asked for clarification the change was not meant to be to Zombie Homecoming levels of mindchange (i.e. complete resistance wipe), I had him get an infection so severe (not knowing how the other wolves were playing like at the time) that he'd go nuts if he tried to hold back the wolf. Which he did. Oh well.
- Enough of himself managed to assert itself to warp the wolf's objectives from "go after teams" to "go after wolves", since that would technically still meet all its demands (he would win/survive, satisfy the bloodlust, get to chow and save people from getting mauled/stop the teams from having to maul sheep-- nnnnevermind that it'd mean he'd still be killing entire teams with his own hands and biting chunks out of them :|a which he would've still been punishing himself for after the game was over, even if no one (e.g. DERA) called him on the hypocrisy of it before that.)
- Wolf survival instinct (not to mention the example of Orion) meant doing anything that would be considered outright forfeiting was out of the question, so he couldn't even deliberately go after Allen to get stabbed :|a So when Allen confronted him with the ultimate question of TELL ME IF YOU'RE A SHEEP OR DON'T FIGHT SO WE CAN END THIS GAME FASTER, instead of freezing up (Claude option), walking into the sword (Claude option), admitting everything and getting Allen's help (Claude option), outright lying for the rest of the game (wolf option), or lying until he could kill Allen when his back was turned (wolf option :)) ......none of those were options both sides would compromise on, so instead of a protracted internal battle FUCK THIS NOISE let's fight him to the death :|a At least no matter the outcome one more team would be out of the game and sorting out the details could come after the fight. And there were equal odds of surviving or dying. SO MUCH EASIER. And Claude, at least, trusted deep down that Exorcist Allen Walker would be strong enough to be a match for the wolf.
- Granted, lying could've helped Claude-wolf continue the compromise agenda of taking out the other wolves, but that would mean lying to Allen and betraying his trust and hahah he'd never forgive Claude everrrrr. Veto'd by humanside. Confessing and getting Allen's help would've meant dying later rather than sooner, and still 'losing'. Veto'd by wolfside.
- If Allen hadn't killed Claude it's likely he would've tried to kill Shiki instead of Masamune and blame it on the fifth (unknown at the time) wolf team. ...though he might've killed Masamune anyway to keep his cover going, hahahah.
postgame and general tl;dr
- Orion turning out to be the fifth team and managing to beat their wolfmind to the end does wonders for his own sense of self-respect :,) Since it just seemed to reconfirm that he really is a weak-hearted guy, neither strong enough to fight the Judges or play these Games the Best Way Possible (even with multiple interpretations of the Best Way), always ending up being completely useless as a result. Dera was right~
- Still, if given a choice as to which member of Cepheus would play the next Wolf Game solo, he would step up to the plate again. If it meant sparing Red and Syaoran from having to deal with the whole weight of kind of mindfuck that comes both during and after the Game (and not unleashing Dusk or Dexter's ruthlessness on the other teams.) But honestly? No matter how terrible he feels for thinking this way, he would be ultimately glad to have either one or both of them beside him sharing and hurting under the weight of choices and consequences. It's what they would all want. "All things equal" was his promise to Red long ago, and though he's broken that promise with his frequent lapses into wanting to shoulder everything himself, his mindset's shifting further and further down the line from 'I have to do this alone to shield others' to 'I need others, because on my own I'm not/never strong enough'. Claude can fight his hardest for others when he's fighting with others, and to him his friends are the same way.
- This isn't to say he'll let just about anyone take on trauma-filled situations with him-- just those who he knows he can trust for mutual support, who'll help do what it takes, hurt like hell inside, but in the end won't break because they'll be there to help each other carry on. These are people like Red, Allen, Jace and Jim; Syaoran is increasingly working his way into this category, as is Kururu. The more ruthless (re:sociopath) types like Kira and Dusk don't figure fully into this category because (to him) they won't share the same objectives; for them, people matter less than the task. Others like Dera he's divided about, because it's obvious their ruthlessness is a hypocritical kind that makes exceptions for certain people. (Still, it makes them better in his eyes than the pure sociopaths, because they're more human that way.)
- He doesn't hold himself on any higher ground than the other three wolf teams even if he hadn't actually killed anyone. He would have eventually, so the only difference between him and them was that he was lucky. He's pretty sure their human sides hate what the wolves made them do as much as his does.
- in other new discoveries, lolo is this kind of what it's like for Ticky and Allen :|a
MAYBE MORE NOTES WHEN I THINK ABOUT THEM, comments/questions to help more ramblings etc welcome
Also some timekeeping notes:
101: drugged Red, subsequent forgeventure, came back morning 102
103 morning, before genderswap game: hiatus'd
105 morning: returned for drinking game, drunk tiems with bros and Kururu, etc
106 morning: wolf game :)
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Though now I have the urge to ramble in more depth on what's up with Jace and assigning responsibility for this game. :|
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RAMBLING IS FUN do more |D
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WELL SINCE YOU ASK
The thing that struck me is the reactions to the wolfmind, in his view, and the choices that were left to people. This is mostly based on ICly available information, of course, but Jace's love for Claude is totally undiminished by the fact that he came close to voring a teammate. And the difference is that Claude fought, he channeled the wolfmind for as long as he could. The fact that he ultimately failed...Jace doesn't really grudge him that. Part of this is sort of a justification; Jace really likes Claude a lot, and having to associate him with a dead teammate, here and now, would probably just make him shut down for a while. But part of it is the idea that your actions are yours to own. Claude's going kind of overboard with that, but like Shiki, he's not making excuses, and he's facing what he almost did without trying to evade responsibility. (Jace has a Thing about personal responsibility that I may have essayed on tangentially at some point. Comes of being an interplanar mafioso and then...deciding not to be, because there are lines he can't cross.)
But even in Claude's wolfmind memories, even if "not to kill" wasn't a choice left to him, the choice of WHO to kill was...potentially there? Given Claude's bezerker urges, he's well aware that once Claude was given a target, it'd be hard to resist -- but someone gave him a target. So in that sense someone used Claude against his team. (Which would normally kick the genocide meter up a notch or two, but he's sort of desensitized right now. Too much horrible.)
Whiiiich brings us to the other side of the personal responsibility coin. Jace knows Claude fought the wolf the first night, and quite a few other teams didn't eat anyone -- but Hydra seemed perfectly happy to vore his teammate. And then do so again on the second night. And the question they asked about Mitani made it seem like they did, in fact, pick Lightning as a target deliberately. And, almost more importantly, they haven't come up to Canis to own their sins, even though Canis seems to be the only team they attacked. Add that to the fact that they went bezerk when someone ate one of THEIR teammates...no, he doesn't have a good impression at all.
(Mind, he didn't exactly have a great impression of that team in the first place, and this does bias his judgement a lot; if Claude had vored one of his teammates, he'd probably just curl up into a ball and cry on him, rather than go vengeful, or want to. Which is another essay I may have written already but basically, he's experienced losing all his friends in his very first memory and never wants to go through that again. Without pre-existing ties to Hydra, there's nothing to stop him judging them, basically. He also only really judges the players in the game; he's got nothing against anyone else on Hydra.)
But the thread with Claude is calming and centering him a bit, and Squall and I have a thing planned that will solidify his resolve to step back from the brink even further. So it's not that he's going to go crazy and execute someone unless they provoke him (and, admittedly, a threat that could turn lethal is enough at this point.) But the difference is the actions after, and the apparent actions during -- did they even try to fight? Did they target him deliberately? -- which is why he just wants to hug Claude and can sort of see forgiving Shiki eventually, and nnnot so much for Hydra.
SO I HAVE RAMBLED DID IT MAKE SENSE.
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On the plus side the healing power of SHOUNEN FRIENDSHIP can fix many things :(
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And, I mean, once the IMMEDIATE danger on round 3 of the game had passed he was pretty unlikely to do anything actually precipitous.
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Look he even let you hang around in the Arena to vote if you wanted.
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you'd better not have been thinking about drugging me
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DRUGS ARE BAD
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